We had only been married about three months when I decided I wanted out! I felt like my new kind, wonderful, loving husband had been switched with an invading alien, or something! All of a sudden I was not good enough. I couldn't cook right. I didn't clean right. I didn't dress right. I couldn't even put the roll of toilet paper on right - apparently the toilet paper is to come over the top. Who worries about things like that?!!! I was beginning to miss my boyfriend who loved me for me.
I wondered why this man couldn't love me for being me. I dressed the same as I always had. He just now saw me in my "comfy clothes" more often. I had cooked for him before, he liked my cooking. He had been to my apartment before. He didn't mention it being dirty. I wasn't a dirty person. I'm pretty sure he had used the bathroom before, too. I never was told my toilet paper was on wrong. Don't you think if those were things that were important to him, he would've at least mentioned something? I was absolutely confused!!
I called my mom wanting to come home. I was in tears! I was a mess! She assured me that every newly married couple as their "kinks" they have to work out. I felt better. I trusted her advice. She had been married to the same man for over thirty years. She knew what she was talking about.
It did get better. Not because he changed, I just learned to deal with his criticism. The more I began to understand who he was, I was able to not be so offended. He was a perfectionist. Everything needed to be perfect. Did I make sure everything was? No! I just learned to look at him and say, "Really? Then you deal with it!" It worked for me. It was a way I could acknowledge his desires, but remain true to who I was. I was learning to be happy again.
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I didn't realize at the time that his perfectionism would be a major red flag. Oh, how hind sight is 20/20! I should have dealt with it then, but I was too young, too inexperienced, and too immature to know better.
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